Givers need to set limits because takers rarely do
For many people, boundary setting is a tricky subject. While creating the proper barriers to support your most productive life, words like labels and expectations can quickly become synonymous with restrictions and limitations casting a negative shadow on a necessity for growth. Though some boundaries are more pertinent than others becoming intentional about setting boundaries will save you time and stress when dealing with people in all areas of your life.
If I can just keep it real one time the fuck boy antics don’t seem to be going anywhere any time soon. As your girl, I would never on this black ass blog tell any of my tribe, both real and virtual, to hop into a relationship and give your all to someone who isn’t doing the same for you. Because of this, I think setting relationship boundaries needs to be on the top of your “to-do” list if you are dating.
Not to be confused with sending “so what are we” via text message, relationship boundaries should be clear-cut expectations for both parties. They should be the blueprint for your interactions and the guidelines for communication. Without clear relationship boundaries, you’re likely to find yourself in a situationship from hell that leaves you frustrated, overwhelmed, and feeling flawed because niggas are inconsistent. (Word to Cardi B).
When setting your boundaries be honest with yourself about what you can and can’t handle. Once you’ve decided what those things are don’t be afraid to hold your suitor’s feet to the fire when they aren’t keeping up their end of the agreement.
If you’re only looking for some smash and dash, that’s cool too. Just know that blurring the lines with regular “good morning” texts and kissy face emoji’s can have you in your feelings harder than a Drake song and Shiggy dancing behind a guy who is sending five different girls the same text messages.
“I thought we were just chilling” will be his response to your childish ass “so what are we” text message 8 months later, and you will be left perplexed wondering how he didn’t know you’ve been trying to be bae this whole time.
Save yourself the drama, girl. Set you expectations upfront and adjust as needed.
While we all are out here trying to kill it at work and set ourselves up for advancements it’s important to remember that work boundaries can be some of the most important boundaries we’ll set in our lives. Whether you’re a cashier, a CEO, or an entrepreneur your work boundaries are the guiding principles for how customers, coworkers, and those superior interact with you. Setting proper work boundaries can make all the difference when it comes to being chosen for special projects, promotions, and increased responsibility. I know the saying goes “dress how you want to be addressed” but I believe it’s super important to add “AND act accordingly” to that. While the work boundaries you set will differ depending on your career field and your position there are a few baseline boundaries we all should be practicing.
work/home separation- Not everyone in your workplaces needs to know what goes on in your household. There’s a certain level of comfort that forms once you allow people to become familiar with you in a personal way, and at work that can cause issues. It’s hard to be someone’s boss and demand the proper respect when your coworkers know and view you too much like their equal. Even if you work closely with your friends there has to be a level of separation that comes with respect and professionalism.
Know your role…and shut your mouth- Everyone has a work lane. DRIVE THERE!! If it is absolutely necessary for you to be in someone else’s lane put your blinker on first and wait until they let you in.
Don’t become the “do girl”- It’s all good to be known as Helpful Harriet by your coworkers but people can quickly take advantage of your polite demeanor and have you doing way more than your fair share while on the clock. Be helpful but don’t be a fool. Just like everyone else you have your own work lane. Don’t overwork yourself trying to be all things to all people.
With the fam
Family boundaries are probably the toughest of the boundaries to set. In the same way that our families can be our biggest support system, they can also be the bearer of our biggest burdens. Because we love our families and are willing to do almost anything to help them succeed we sometimes find ourselves in situations where we are stretched thin and down to our last.
If you are your family’s point person setting boundaries is crucial to your sanity. In order to not feel like you’re being used or taken advantage of you have to set some limitations on how often your family is allowed to call on you and how much you truly have to give. I think the key thing to setting family boundaries is realizing that you are NOT responsible for taking care of grown ass people who aren’t helping themselves. Yes, everyone needs a little help every now and then, but it is not right for your family to treat you as their personal “get out of setback free” card. If you don’t have the time, the energy, the mental space, or the money all parties involved need to be ok with you saying no. Don’t drown yourself trying to help your family members stay afloat.
Like every good thing in life boundary setting will have its unpleasantries. People who are used to getting what they want when they want will try to find their way around your boundaries or push them back to an area more comfortable for themselves. STAY FIRM! At the end of the day, your boundaries are for you and your inner peace. If the people in your life can’t respect that it might be time for them to call Tyrone.