Much like flawless makeup, all successful relationships start with a good foundation. Be it a friendship or a relationship, all successes start with a stable beginning. We all know this, but how much of us actually practice that? A personal mission of mine is to build the best, most beautiful and fulfilling relationship – with myself. Regardless of if I’m with someone or not, I want to be able to relay on myself. All day, every day.
So I re-watched Cruel Intentions with J.Cole’s 2014 Forest Hill playing in my mind, and took a few cues from the heathens in the Upper East Side. This advice is great for my single ladies learning to love themselves, and my taken gals who need a quick reminder. Valentine’s Day is a day of love, so that includes self-love.
If anyone can teach you how to love yourself, it’s these psychopaths.
Don’t Compromise Yourself
It’s the most cliche’ for a reason: it works. Compromising yourself for a friendship or relationship will never end well, mainly because you will always feel a sense of betrayal. Not betrayal towards the other person (although that can happen as well), but towards yourself. Do you love yourself that little that you can’t be your true self for someone? What’s wrong with the person you already are? Never compromise your values, beliefs or morals for someone else. By compromising yourself, you do two things: a) show the world that you’re not proud of who you are, and b) giving the power of your life to someone else’s control. Be strong in your convictions. Stand in your values. If you don’t know what they are yet – that’s fine. Start on a lifelong romance with yourself, and figure out what YOU want out of YOUR life. Life is too short to cater to what others want for you.
Change doesn’t happen fast, if at all
Normally we apply Kathryn’s advice to others, but this needs to be applied to ourselves more often. Changing is a process. Allow yourself that process. If you have a flaw that you want to change, or a habit that you need to break, give yourself a realistic deadline to fix it. Don’t expect you’ll wake up the next day, and not love him; not want to smoke a cigarette; or not continue with the same bad decisions. It will take time. Enjoy that time. Relish in the space between who you were and who you will be; the best stories come from that. Give yourself the room to change into the person you are meant to be – don’t put restrictions on your process.
Keep Toxic People Out
Yes, it’s hard to pick out the snakes amongst the weeds, but it’s a task that needs to be done. Toxic people are draining. Some try to manipulate you for their own agenda, others will give you advice only to see you hurt; they come in many forms – lovers, friends, and, sometimes, even family. They drain your emotions, intelligence and energy. It can be blatant or subtle, you never know; toxic people often move stealthily. To know those toxic people, you have to know yourself first. Once you understand your own expectations and boundaries, you will understand when others don’t respect it. It’s like a big red flag draped across their face. You have to get these kinds of people out of your life, ASAP. Once you stop feeding your energy into a negative abyss, you can channel to the greater good (like changing the world, or finally doing that DIY project).
Live Your Life
Our generation is constantly on the go, trying to start or build something new. We aren’t use to slowing down, much less taking a few minutes to appreciate silence. We gotta stop, guys. Laughing is just as essential to life as money, if not more so. Life, itself, is a miracle. You have to start appreciating that if you want to enjoy your life. By opening up and letting your guards down, you make yourself vulnerable to the beautiful essence of life. You give yourself the ability to observe and digest your surroundings; to laugh at yourself and others. Stress does horrible things for your skin, muscles and mindset; loosen those reins every once and while to enjoy yourself.
Be like our savvy prep school rebels and start being your #1 fan!